Primary Results

The Elephant Party voters have spoken, and we are here to celebrate.


Melissa Zelenak ran a good, active campaign. She worked hard, raised money, and mounted a significant challenge. To be honest, we got a little nervous. If we do not have the nonsense that comes out of Politician Jarris Rubingh’s mouth, this blog would suffer greatly.

Luckily, the people voted overwhelmingly for Politician Jarris Rubingh! Thank god! Politician Rubingh still has a challenger in the General Election, but we remain confident that he and his stupidity will be returned for our entertainment.

We are also grateful for the election of Dawn Lavanway. She beat fellow commissioner Christian Marcus. With no general challenger, we look forward to Dawn’s continued wacko ideas.

Other Races

In the first district, Bill Heffernan narrowly beat Caleb Pero. There is no general challenge to Heffernan, so there is a good possibility of having at least one adult in the room.

In District Three, approximately 34% of voters cast a ballot for a guy who was not even running. Gary Lockwood snagged 390 votes without campaigning. He almost beat VanAlstine in the Helena Township precinct.

In the fourth district, Jason Helwig did not campaign, did not respond to questionnaires, and generally did not seem interested in the election. So, voters thought it was a great idea to send him back for another round of beatings at the hand of the Board. He will be back in 2023, Ricksgers will be gone.

Results Analysis

So, how did this go down?

In District 2, Politician Jarris Rubingh overwhelmed Zelenak in Banks township. That is not surprising. His Dad owns half the township. But he also clobbered Zelenak in Central Lake, despite being a well known asshole. Why?

We think there are two reasons. The first is tax cut propaganda. There were signs all over about Politician Jarris Rubingh’s amazing tax cut. Elephant people saw it, and thought “I hate taxes”. What they did not stop to ponder is the fact that this tax “cut” will save people the equivalent of a trip to the bottle return after a minor bender. It is minuscule.

The second thing that we can say for sure is that people are not paying attention to what he is Politician Jarris Rubingh. This is clear from the election results.

In District Two, the 911 millage easily passed. 86% of voters approved the millage. Most of these votes came from Elephant party people. So, most of the people that voted for Politician Jarris Rubingh, also voted for the 911 Millage. Politician Jarris Rubingh OPPOSED the 911 Millage. So, people voted for a guy that wants to gut the millage that they overwhelmingly approved.

Over in District Five, Dawn Lavanway campaigned hard. Christian Marcus, on the other hand, his campaign was a bit tepid. Marcus was able to beat her in three precincts. But, in those precincts, his wins were narrow. In the precincts that Lavanway won (East Jordan area precincts), she mopped the floor with Marcus. That was enough.

Moving on.

The Board had to reassemble two days after the election for a meeting. Because the business of the county keeps keeping on, and ARRRG will continue to follow along, and keep you in the know.

Also – Jokes!

1 Comment

  1. Marilyn Prezkop says:

    I have known Bill Hefferan for years. We both worked for the County in different offices. He is thoughtful, intelligent, understanding and an all around good guy. Voted for him because he is in my district.


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